1. Nick Hanlon. BBC Interview on Social Anxiety

Nick Hanlon. BBC Interview on Social Anxiety

Nick Hanlon is an inspiration to me, he is the facilitator the Social Anxiety West self help group in Bristol.

I first attended his sessions back in 2005, (after two and half years of attempting to go). I was extremely terrified when I got out of my car that Monday evening and walked towards the doors of the Redland Library. As soon as I walked in, Nick welcomed me with a warm smile, I felt safe, I felt safe in the fact that there were five others in this group who all got how I felt. It was a great feeling. I highly recommend seeking a social anxiety self help group in your area.

Please listen to Nick’s interview with BBC Radio Bristol, I can guess that Nick still pinches himself when being on radio as he could never do this before! Well done to you mate!

1. Short film about Social Anxiety Disorder.

Short film about Social Anxiety Disorder.

‘Emma has always suffered from social anxiety disorder. Friends finally persuaded her to join a street dance class to build her confidence.’

1. About the project: Social Anxiety Disorder

I went to a final degree show for a number of universities last night in the fashionable east-end area of Brick Lane. Olmo Reverter, one of the student’s exhibiting his work decided to collaborate with Leading Light to create awareness on social anxiety disorder.

6 Members of the group, including myself. decided to participate in the exhibit by having our photo taken in black and white and to accompany each piece would be a short audio from each person talking about their personal experiences.

I was quite anxious coming along to the exhibit to see my own picture, but once I was there I felt at ease. I totally feel like I have come a long way in my personal development as I was actually ok with the sound of my own voice, something that I have had trouble with for a lot of my life.

About the project: Social Anxiety Disorder

This project endeavours to dispel some of the stigma surrounding Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) by presenting stories of people affected. Their portraits give an insight into the mind of a SAD sufferer by showing their vulnerability. They attempt to illustrate what their faces alone cannot tell; the deep-rooted fear imprinted by a disorder of inhibition, fear and avoidance. A SAD sufferer will typically shrink into the background and slip from societies view.

Social Anxiety Disorder is a crippling feeling of intense, uncontrollable fear of being judged and ridiculed in social situations. It is the third most common mental disorder only behind depression and alcoholism. Sufferers will feel that whatever they do, they will humiliate themselves in front of other people. Even if those with the disorder realise their fears are irrational and unwarranted, the anxiety itself is no less hard to control.

These debilitating emotions can produce panic attacks and lead to clinical depression. People will often seek to limit and withdraw from social situations as a means of avoiding the terror they’re subjected to each time they’re confronted with human interaction. This can have a devastating impact on lifestyles, relationships and careers.

Sufferers can often seek to self-medicate with alcohol or other drugs in an attempt to suppress the symptoms.

As with most conditions, early detection and diagnosis make treatment much more effective. Unfortunately people withstand a lot of needless suffering from the disorder and only receive treatment when they finally seek medical help for resultant substance abuse problems or clinical depression.

Social anxiety disorder is commonly treated with a form of psychotherapy known as cognitive behavioural therapy. This changes patients’ thought patterns in social situations, then the behavioural element re-trains patients how to react to the anxiety triggered in these situations. Anti-depressant and tranquilising drugs are also prescribed in conjunction with counselling.

When asked how she felt about speaking to people who’ve never experienced a mental disorder, one SAD sufferer said “I am passionate about fighting the stigma of mental distress in society, but I know it is a battle that has to be taken from the personal to the public to get people talking.” This project aims to help do that.

"Maybe Bullies Just Want to Be Loved?"

Dr Todd Kashdan and Dr Patrick E. McKnight, Psychologists at George Mason University discovered a link between bullying and social anxiety and also found that obese children were more likely to be bullied regardless of race, gender, religion, resulting in increased levels of anxiety and depression.

My own reflection relating to this article explains an awful lot about how I behaved during my school years. At the age of 11 I weighed a hefty 14 stone, I was about 5 foot 4 inches tall and has a gigantic 40 inch waist. I loathed every inch of my being (I was a shy yet happy child going through primary school, I felt safe within the confides of the old Victorian building).

I had a permanent sick feeling in my stomach walking to and from school, I was waiting to get taunted or attacked by bullies so I kept my self to my self. One boy said to me on the way home from school “I’m going to cut off your tits and cook them as hamburgers“ I felt totally overwhelmed with fear, it engulfed my whole body, I just shuffled along with my head down, hands in my pockets, hoping that he would leave me alone.

Every single morning without fail I got bullied by a couple of boys in my tutor group, one of them was called Daniel. I sat down of a morning and began to sweat with anticipation that he would verbally abuse me. He would often point out to me that I was sweating, which made me so much more anxious. When the register was read out by our form tutor, I dreaded answering my name, Daniel would mimic my voice and some of the class would laugh. Looking back, this particular reoccurring incident was fundamental in my decreasing self-esteem the way I felt about my voice.

I felt stuck in this “victim” mind set for the whole of the first one and a half years at secondary school, I guess it’s hard for a lot of people, new surroundings, teachers and new people.

Then it all changed, I grew to 6 foot, lost a stone in weight, my waistline shrunk 6 inches. Even though fundamentally I felt scared and anxious all the time, I began to be a bit more cocky. I put on a front of  “tough guy” so I would get noticed, I felt like a nobody for the first 18 months of secondary school so now was my turn to be a bully.

I wouldn’t say that I was bully in the usual sense of the word, I never hurt any one physically or emotionally who was weaker or smaller than me. I was after the big guys in my year, I wanted to be the toughest boy in the year so I started getting into fights with some of the other “tough guys”.

I started going to under 18′s club nights with my friends also known as “Nappy Nights”. I got my first ever kiss there at the age of 14. I felt great, I felt like I was one of the cool kids at last, but on one occasion I remember leaving the night club and I got attacked by a group of kids, one of them punched by in the back on the head, I felt like crying, I guess from that moment I felt like the fat, short, ugly kid from a couple of years ago, I just wanted to be hugged by my mum.

It goes to show that there is so much more than meets the eye, with my armour on, teachers really didn’t know what was going on inside, I was a extremely shy, socially anxious child who just wanted to be loved, but was damned if he’d ever share it with any one, especially teachers, as that would be incredibly sad!

Check it out The New York Times Bullying and Social Anxiety Article

Buy Todd Kashdan’s Book entitled: Curious?: Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life

Steve Light

Leading Light

I’ve yet to see the images or hear my recording but it’s done and as I sit here typing this I have a mental image of me slapping myself on the back, which is somewhat amusing, to me at least. I wasn’t the most vocal and I can’t with hand on heart say I mixed that well, but rather than focus on negatives which was my norm I’m now trying to see things a little differently. A couple of years ago, or months even I would never have ventured near a photographic studio let alone let someone take my portrait and if by some small miracle I had done I would have came away and analysed the day and fed my negative side with what had gone wrong. I would have beaten myself up for not taking part more, for leaving things unsaid and for generally just being on the edge of things rather than nearer the center, but now I’m empowering myself. Yes I would like next time to maybe get more involved but Rome wasn’t build in a day and over 40 years of social anxiety, shyness and depression will not disappear in a week.

I think what I’m trying to convey is that each small step you can make is a positive action and you shouldn’t waste it, I know how easy it can be to take that step and then turn it into two steps back by just going over what more you could have done, you did the first bit and that should be the focus of it. The other bits like getting involved, being able to strike up a conversation and holding one for more than two sentences will come if you just keep taking the small steps.

Rockman

That’s one of the really sad parts of SA or ES  in my book, you have some truly wonderful people who don’t get to enjoy all the good things in life, they hide away at home making excuses why they can’t attend when deep down an internal conflict rages, and most times they deal with this alone. It’s now thankfully becoming easier to face up to the fact that yes you may have some mental issues, but that doesn’t mean you’re a complete lunatic and it certainly doesn’t mean it’s like some contagious disease and people should avoid you at all costs, not so long ago you wouldn’t dream of telling anyone that you has SA, or anyone outside your partner or closest friends that is.   It’s not something that your doctor can give you a pill for and tell you to take 3-a-day and things suddenly become better, ah but I wish and I guess that many others do to, how life could be so much simpler. It to me is more like a house, you already have the foundation, which is yourself, and you have to build your self-ego up brick by brick. I’m not talking a tower block, just a modest two up two down would suit rather nicely thank you.

That’s why self-help groups are important, no-one can build it for you, they can help, they can provide the building materials and do the labouring, but in the end it’s a self-build project. At the moment I’ve built a few courses of brick work around the base of my little TuTd and am surprisingly enjoying the work, yeah it’s tough but I’m looking at the moment I can enjoy all that life offers me.

To get on in life,   I had to make believe white lies to protect myself, living a lie so that I wouldn’t be singled out. I knew that my upbringing wasn’t good but I had pretend things were ok, and this pattern of pretence I kept up into adolescence and adult hood.

I started going to pubs and clubs at the age of 15 and therefore drinking was just a normal part of life, my peers were way behind me in that area of life, every weekend I went out and partied, but using alcohol to mask my issues.

In school I was bright confident and outgoing but sincere.  In my last year of schooling an incident occurred, quite a major thing happened to me, and unfortunately my teacher’s breached confidentiality and the whole school were gossiping about me. I went onto college and my peers came too, the same gossip was spread through the college and I found it so hard to deal with, that I frequently missed my lessons and began to withdraw into myself, more and more.

Later when I finished college and decided to go to work, I had contemplated university but in my family there was no expectations for that, it wasn’t something that was really emphasised as an important feature to gain an academic qualification, and after 2 years of unhappiness, possible even depression at college, I decided to go into the world of work.
I always said at school “Nah, I could never work in an office all day, stuck at a desk it would be boring”… well needless to say those words came back to haunt me.

Moving from being a student into the business world was very daunting for me. I was just an ordinary working class college drop out from a very under privileged background, thrust into a huge open plan office, with all the departments, managers, directors, business protocol and procedures and the work culture itself. I knew nothing about the practicalities, even though I studied business, real life experience was drastically different to books and papers.

The people were from a world so removed from my own, I couldn’t relate to what they were talking about, I didn’t take holidays in the south of France, or go skiing in Chamonix. The conversations and language used was just alien to me. I came to the realisation very early on that I didn’t fit into that arena; however once I started to earn a wage I got caught up in the 9 to 5 mentality.

If invited out to a party, or a works do, I would spend time shopping for a new outfit and shoes, then after getting ready to go out, look at myself and think that I didn’t dress right. Looking back I realise that was must my excuse to myself for not going; my real reason was because I felt terrified to go. Didn’t know what to say, or how would I be perceived. I withdrew more and more, I thought if my true self was revealed I would be ridiculed. Even so it didn’t make any difference and people did mock me, so I built up big walls around me for protection and became a very private person, reserved and insular. Socialising became very difficult, I would constantly monitor how I behaved, and couldn’t just relax and join in. I always felt I had nothing to contribute, no-one would be interested, and others were judging me.

I look back now and realise that I was so unprepared and unsupported. It wasn’t that I was stupid, Just my ability to relate to others was so under developed, and I was scared to do or say anything for fear of being mocked. In small group meetings I would clam up and not want to say anything, one of my colleagues at the time would laugh at me, which made it worse. Larger meetings were a total nightmare. I was the kind of person who was like a door mat, always staying late to finish other peoples work, not rewarded for my efforts. I was a weak and an easy target to abuse.

Although I developed through the business, learned more and more, got used to the industry, which was a growing area (semiconductors). It was hard to move out of, because once you gain all the knowledge and experience you become entrenched and engulfed into the industry, it is hard to break out of.

I went on to marry and try to settle down but this relationship was doomed from the start, I had my own ideals about marriage being a happy ever after story, totally unrealistic for many reasons, but I thought that’s where I would find love and security. Through this insecurity I held onto my job and stayed in the industry for too long, it was actually 15 years before I realised I didn’t want to work like that any more.

My last job in the industry began to stress me out so much. Initially the day I started I was full of confidence, but as the day drew on, I don’t know what happened. During my training and induction I was fine, but suddenly out of nowhere at lunch time when we went to the canteen, I just couldn’t function and shut down. I went very quiet and withdrew. People seemed to notice and moved away from me, which left me feeling very uncomfortable. I came on my period that night and just put it down to PMT. From that day I developed a phobia of eating in the canteen at work. My fear was that people would see me shaking. In the mornings I couldn’t eat because of the nausea, butterflies and shakes. Whilst driving to work I had to keep stopping, to get out and take deeps breaths to prevent me from vomiting.

Eventually I went to my GP, who prescribed medication for anxiety. It took time to work and things seemed to settle down for me. However we had a massive awards event where I got so anxious that I Wanted to escape, but went through it. After that I started to think about doing something more fulfilling. My thoughts after working there for 6 months were “What the hell am I doing here, I don’t enjoy what I am doing, I just clock watch all day, it doesn’t interest me, I don’t care about the money, I want to get out of here.”

I came to a fairly major life changing decision to sell my flat, go rent and take time out to research and find a job I liked, and after a year I did.

Finding this group was a revelation to me, because I had no idea others felt the same as me. In my world I was the only one who felt this way. It was an absolute god send; I am not alone with this.
Within the group I feel comfortable, able, in good company, supported and very relaxed. I know exactly what some of the others are going through, but here no one needs to feel intimidated or judged.

Since coming to the group I have found that I can open up to others more easily and initiate all my conversations without fear of anxiety. The world is a big place and I want to explore, it’s a new beginning for me in so many ways. I still get moments of hesitation, but I have to feel the fear and just go with it, is better than just sitting back and worrying what to do.

For sure I have come a long way, anyone reading this who has social anxiety may think it`s not possible, but I tell you it is. You have to be open to life and new things. I got lots of wasted time to make up for and i`m going at it full pelt.

I want to help others to overcome their fears and do what they really want to do.

Anon

17th November 2009
Steve Light is 27 years old, but growing up he felt robbed of a fulfilling life because he was gripped by social anxiety. Throughout his teens and early twenties he was locked in a cycle of acute shyness and low self-esteem. With social anxiety the main fear is of being negatively evaluated or judged – this can result in physical symptoms such as blushing, shaking or sweating.

After plucking up the courage to attend a local support group, Steve decided that he’d had enough. In 2005, he pledged not to let social anxiety ruin his life. Now 27, he’s set up Leading Light to help others who were affected by the condition. The programme offers help, support and guidance for social anxiety sufferers through various workshops, events and advice.

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FEW children relish the start of a new school year. Most yearn for summer to continue and greet the onset of classes with groans or even dread. But among those who take the longest to adapt and thrive, psychiatrists say, are children trapped in a pathological condition. They are so acutely shy that they are said to suffer “social anxiety disorder” — an affliction of children and adolescents that, the clinicians argue, is spreading.

It may seem baffling, even bizarre, that ordinary shyness could assume the dimension of a mental disease. But if a youngster is reserved, the odds are high that a psychiatrist will diagnose social anxiety disorder and recommend treatment.

Read full article Shy on Drugs