One of the lowest points in my life so far was during the years 2003/2004. I had just left college (too anxious to attend university) and applied for many many web design jobs in the local area. I thought it would be easy to get a job as I was newly qualified as a web designer and that I would get a job more or less right away.
I was knocked back by rejection after rejection, the little confidence that I had was destroyed. I felt totally helpless as I found it really hard to even make a call to or go into a job agency. Stuck in a total vicious cycle, I couldn’t get a job because the anxiety levels were so high and I couldn’t support myself because I couldn’t get a job.
I really saw NO WAY OUT. I thought that this was who I was and I could do absolutely nothing about it.
Looking back over the past 27 and a half years of my life so far, I have a clear view of how my struggle with my shyness and social anxiety manifested itself.
1: Premature Birth
I found out recentley premature birth can be a cause of anxiety for a child. It is a traumatic experience for the newborn and adrenaline levels often stay at higher than usual level. I was born 2 months premature and feel that this could be the starting point of things in my life.
2: Genetics
My biological parents are anxious people, especially my biological father. I have known him for 7 years now and from the first time I met him, I could tell from his manerisms that he was suffering with some form of social anxiety. I was told stories about my dad in his younger years, totally avoiding certain situations such as shopping, he would clam up if a shop assistant approached him. I can tell that my biological mum suffers with some form of anxiety due to the use of nicotine and alcohol to calm her nerves.
3: Upbringing
Looking back, I got everything I wanted as a child, I was very spoilt. I was adopted by my grandparents, who I call mum and dad. My mum is an anxious person, she worries alot and I feel strongly that I saw the world as a scary place growing up because of it. My dad is a self confident person but he is not a very sociable person, I didn’t really have conversations with my dad until a few years ago. There is no doubt in my mind that he loves me more than anything, he just found it hard to show it. Which i learned from him, I find it hard to open up.
4: Traumatic Events
At the age of 3 I was forced to play with other children at a disco on holiday with my parents. I was so scared, absolutely terrified, I ran back to my dad with tears in my eyes. From that moment I decided that people were scary, I would be cautious in talking to people because I didn’t want to feel that scared again.
So there you go, there is the rough guide to how my feelings of social anxiety manifested themselves in my life.
Just remember that anxiety is not you nor is it a part of your personality. Some of it may be conditioned or genetic, but you can unlearn it and become happy in your own skin. You can reach a confidence level that you want in your life.
Take care
Steve
BBC NEWS | Health | Depression.
Depression is a common mental illness which is estimated to affect up to one in five Britons at some point in their lifetime and to cost the UK about £8bn a year in medication, benefits and lost working days.
It can strike at any age and the feelings of hopelessness and [...]
