1. About the project: Social Anxiety Disorder

I went to a final degree show for a number of universities last night in the fashionable east-end area of Brick Lane. Olmo Reverter, one of the student’s exhibiting his work decided to collaborate with Leading Light to create awareness on social anxiety disorder.

6 Members of the group, including myself. decided to participate in the exhibit by having our photo taken in black and white and to accompany each piece would be a short audio from each person talking about their personal experiences.

I was quite anxious coming along to the exhibit to see my own picture, but once I was there I felt at ease. I totally feel like I have come a long way in my personal development as I was actually ok with the sound of my own voice, something that I have had trouble with for a lot of my life.

About the project: Social Anxiety Disorder

This project endeavours to dispel some of the stigma surrounding Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) by presenting stories of people affected. Their portraits give an insight into the mind of a SAD sufferer by showing their vulnerability. They attempt to illustrate what their faces alone cannot tell; the deep-rooted fear imprinted by a disorder of inhibition, fear and avoidance. A SAD sufferer will typically shrink into the background and slip from societies view.

Social Anxiety Disorder is a crippling feeling of intense, uncontrollable fear of being judged and ridiculed in social situations. It is the third most common mental disorder only behind depression and alcoholism. Sufferers will feel that whatever they do, they will humiliate themselves in front of other people. Even if those with the disorder realise their fears are irrational and unwarranted, the anxiety itself is no less hard to control.

These debilitating emotions can produce panic attacks and lead to clinical depression. People will often seek to limit and withdraw from social situations as a means of avoiding the terror they’re subjected to each time they’re confronted with human interaction. This can have a devastating impact on lifestyles, relationships and careers.

Sufferers can often seek to self-medicate with alcohol or other drugs in an attempt to suppress the symptoms.

As with most conditions, early detection and diagnosis make treatment much more effective. Unfortunately people withstand a lot of needless suffering from the disorder and only receive treatment when they finally seek medical help for resultant substance abuse problems or clinical depression.

Social anxiety disorder is commonly treated with a form of psychotherapy known as cognitive behavioural therapy. This changes patients’ thought patterns in social situations, then the behavioural element re-trains patients how to react to the anxiety triggered in these situations. Anti-depressant and tranquilising drugs are also prescribed in conjunction with counselling.

When asked how she felt about speaking to people who’ve never experienced a mental disorder, one SAD sufferer said “I am passionate about fighting the stigma of mental distress in society, but I know it is a battle that has to be taken from the personal to the public to get people talking.” This project aims to help do that.

"Maybe Bullies Just Want to Be Loved?"

Dr Todd Kashdan and Dr Patrick E. McKnight, Psychologists at George Mason University discovered a link between bullying and social anxiety and also found that obese children were more likely to be bullied regardless of race, gender, religion, resulting in increased levels of anxiety and depression.

My own reflection relating to this article explains an awful lot about how I behaved during my school years. At the age of 11 I weighed a hefty 14 stone, I was about 5 foot 4 inches tall and has a gigantic 40 inch waist. I loathed every inch of my being (I was a shy yet happy child going through primary school, I felt safe within the confides of the old Victorian building).

I had a permanent sick feeling in my stomach walking to and from school, I was waiting to get taunted or attacked by bullies so I kept my self to my self. One boy said to me on the way home from school “I’m going to cut off your tits and cook them as hamburgers“ I felt totally overwhelmed with fear, it engulfed my whole body, I just shuffled along with my head down, hands in my pockets, hoping that he would leave me alone.

Every single morning without fail I got bullied by a couple of boys in my tutor group, one of them was called Daniel. I sat down of a morning and began to sweat with anticipation that he would verbally abuse me. He would often point out to me that I was sweating, which made me so much more anxious. When the register was read out by our form tutor, I dreaded answering my name, Daniel would mimic my voice and some of the class would laugh. Looking back, this particular reoccurring incident was fundamental in my decreasing self-esteem the way I felt about my voice.

I felt stuck in this “victim” mind set for the whole of the first one and a half years at secondary school, I guess it’s hard for a lot of people, new surroundings, teachers and new people.

Then it all changed, I grew to 6 foot, lost a stone in weight, my waistline shrunk 6 inches. Even though fundamentally I felt scared and anxious all the time, I began to be a bit more cocky. I put on a front of  “tough guy” so I would get noticed, I felt like a nobody for the first 18 months of secondary school so now was my turn to be a bully.

I wouldn’t say that I was bully in the usual sense of the word, I never hurt any one physically or emotionally who was weaker or smaller than me. I was after the big guys in my year, I wanted to be the toughest boy in the year so I started getting into fights with some of the other “tough guys”.

I started going to under 18′s club nights with my friends also known as “Nappy Nights”. I got my first ever kiss there at the age of 14. I felt great, I felt like I was one of the cool kids at last, but on one occasion I remember leaving the night club and I got attacked by a group of kids, one of them punched by in the back on the head, I felt like crying, I guess from that moment I felt like the fat, short, ugly kid from a couple of years ago, I just wanted to be hugged by my mum.

It goes to show that there is so much more than meets the eye, with my armour on, teachers really didn’t know what was going on inside, I was a extremely shy, socially anxious child who just wanted to be loved, but was damned if he’d ever share it with any one, especially teachers, as that would be incredibly sad!

Check it out The New York Times Bullying and Social Anxiety Article

Buy Todd Kashdan’s Book entitled: Curious?: Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life

Steve Light

Leading Light

Back in January I found myself meeting up with a Tantra teacher and her husband for a curry in Islington. What was I doing ? As a socially anxious person do I really want to meet two strangers for curry, and then talk about Tantric sex in a public place. No I didn’t at that moment but Id RSVP’d yes on meetup, and Id already decided to myself that whenever I did that Id go through with the meeting, no last minute pull outs allowed. Id kept to that policy for a few weeks and thought that changing it now would lead to a slew of pullouts from me and a failed start to my 2010 adventures. I kept to that when I noticed during the day an email saying the venue had changed at the last minute.

When I arrived at the restaurant I told the waitress I was expecting to meet two friends for dinner, as I scanned the restaurant when saying this I felt my face redden, this was already proving a stressful experience. Stepping outside I called the mobile number I had been given. R answered and said she and her husband were just over the road and would see me in a minute.

After sitting down and choosing the food with some recommendations from R and V I wasn’t feeling comfortable. Here I was sitting opposite an attractive young woman who kept talking about Tantric sex with our hovering waitress in clear earshot. Yes I was impressed how she had travelled all over India and visited the famous erotic temple carvings and the headquarters of an organisation I had already had contact with, studied under an expert in Tantra and was now looking to setup her own workshops. But this was a public space and I had never talked about or experienced Tantra at all, I didn’t go out to dinner with people let alone this conversation ! I think I started sending out nervous vibes because R started looking a bit uncomfortable as well.

However at some point I began to feel comfortable and the conversation began to flow a lot more easily, we all began to smile at each other and relax, maybe it was the beer, maybe it was V starting a geeky conversation at one point, whatever we chatted and got on well with each other by the end of the evening. We parted with a friendly kiss and I headed off into the Islington evening, my 2010 adventures were under way….

Anon

17th November 2009
Steve Light is 27 years old, but growing up he felt robbed of a fulfilling life because he was gripped by social anxiety. Throughout his teens and early twenties he was locked in a cycle of acute shyness and low self-esteem. With social anxiety the main fear is of being negatively evaluated or judged – this can result in physical symptoms such as blushing, shaking or sweating.

After plucking up the courage to attend a local support group, Steve decided that he’d had enough. In 2005, he pledged not to let social anxiety ruin his life. Now 27, he’s set up Leading Light to help others who were affected by the condition. The programme offers help, support and guidance for social anxiety sufferers through various workshops, events and advice.

read full article >>

1. Looking back over the past 27 and a half years of my life so far, I have a clear view of how my struggle with my shyness and social anxiety manifested itself.
2. 1: Premature Birth
3. 2: Genetics
4. 3: Upbringing
5. 4: Traumatic Events

Looking back over the past 27 and a half years of my life so far, I have a clear view of how my struggle with my shyness and social anxiety manifested itself.

1: Premature Birth

I found out recentley premature birth can be a cause of anxiety for a child. It is a traumatic experience for the newborn and adrenaline levels often stay at higher than usual level. I was born 2 months premature and feel that this could be the starting point of things in my life.

2: Genetics

My biological parents are anxious people, especially my biological father. I have known him for 7 years now and from the first time I met him, I could tell from his manerisms that he was suffering with some form of social anxiety. I was told stories about my dad in his younger years, totally avoiding certain situations such as shopping, he would clam up if a shop assistant approached him. I can tell that my biological mum suffers with some form of anxiety due to the use of nicotine and alcohol to calm her nerves.

3: Upbringing

Looking back, I got everything I wanted as a child, I was very spoilt. I was adopted by my grandparents, who I call mum and dad. My mum is an anxious person, she worries alot and I feel strongly that I saw the world as a scary place growing up because of it. My dad is a self confident person but he is not a very sociable person, I didn’t really have conversations with my dad until a few years ago. There is no doubt in my mind that he loves me more than anything, he just found it hard to show it. Which i learned from him, I find it hard to open up.

4: Traumatic Events

At the age of 3 I was forced to play with other children at a disco on holiday with my parents. I was so scared, absolutely terrified, I ran back to my dad with tears in my eyes. From that moment I decided that people were scary, I would be cautious in talking to people because I didn’t want to feel that scared again.

So there you go, there is the rough guide to how my feelings of social anxiety manifested themselves in my life.

Just remember that anxiety is not you nor is it a part of your personality. Some of it may be conditioned or genetic, but you can unlearn it and become happy in your own skin. You can reach a confidence level that you want in your life.

Take care

Steve

Acceptance Commitment Therapy

On Sunday 7th March 2010 I attended an introductory talk on ACT, Acceptance Commitment Therapy, which was combined with a walk in a beautiful woods in North London. (With meetup.com/leadinglight)

I found the combination very refreshing, as self-help is normally and traditionally asscociated with sitting in a circle in a room, sharing issues. The group of 9 took a brisk walk through the beautiful surroundings for around 30 minutes to warm then the leader found a spot to lead the introduction to ACT.

The leader used figures to illustrate the different components of ACT.

The teddy bear illustrated our life goals, no matter how big or small these goals may appear, it’s useful to have some sort of ‘map’ to where we want to be.

For example, say you wanted to be ready to give a presentation in 4 months, that would be your goal.

The rabbit or “yucky” represents the physical feelings that we all have as human beings.

Whether it be blushing, sweating, heart racing or butterflies in the stomach, we often have such reactions to external events and stimuli. We often fight these feelings and feel negatively towards them. ACT teaches you to ‘be’ with the feelings and move towards your goals at a pace that is right for you.

The figure of Einstein symbolises the negative thoughts that we all have that are restricting what we do in life.

Again, we generally fight these feelings and make them mean something about ourselves. ACT teaches you to ‘be’ with these thoughts on your journey towards your life goals.

The black dog represents depression or depressive feelings. ACT says that you can learn to get where you want regardless of what is going on internally.

With your life goals or a specific goal in mind, you can move forward powerfuly.

The boxing Kangaroo symbolises the struggle that we usually have with ourselves, we tend to fight our emotions or try to get rid of them.

ACT says that this is unrealistic, for example, anxiety is used to protect us from danger and to totally eliminate all anxiety would be dangerous. We can learn to live with the thoughts, feelings and physical feelings and gradually move towards.

We as humans seem to be limited by what is going on inside our minds more so that external factors. So ACT is saying that you get what you want out of life with the internal struggles and learn to live with them by using techniques such as graded exposure and also having a goal in mind.

A few key points that I picked up from the ACT introduction:

• Experiential avoidance v internal avoidance…
• Avoiding the problem is not going to make it go away
• Graded Exposure will enable you to learn how to cope with situations
• Avoidance will amplify if avoided.. Makes thing seems iternally bigger
• People fight the feelings internally = Feelings get stronger
• Continual Internal Struggle will change pain into suffering… Make it worse
• The nervous system is hypervigilant, it’s designed to protect you
• Alternative strategy. Let go of the fighting… Let go of the inner struggle
• Walk towards the values and let the inner struggle be

Mervyn Dsouza:

“ACT therapists believe that because of the way the nervous system and mind have evolved it is NOT possible to be totally free of worries and anxieties. If we were free of these “problems” we would not survive very long!

In ACT the emphasis is on learning to accept and learn to walk our journey WITH our worries,anxieties and physical sensations. Its only when we don’t accpet our feelings etc and struggle with them do they escalate to a level which causes us severe distress. Feeling some stress is NORMAL when you are working towards your goals in life – it only becomes distressing and cause illness when we try to stop/control the anxiety we are feeling.

By using graded exposure exerersies (eg worry exposure, anxiety exposure,sensation exposure) you can slowly learn how to just let “negative” states just be there without fighting with it and then when these feelings arise in real life events you are less likely to go “yuck ..I can’t stand this” and run away from the situation or build up a strong resistance to them which then causes a panic attacks.”

I think Dolly Parton summaries ACT very well:

“The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.

For more information on ACT. Please visit www.babcp.com